5 Cycles of Emotional Abuse
by Sarakay Smullens
The 5 cycles of emotional abuse, as listed in Sarakay Smullens’ “Five Cycles of Emotional Abuse: Codification and Treatment of an Invisible Malignancy” are enmeshment, extreme overprotection and overindulgence, complete neglect, rage, and rejection/abandonment. Emotional abuse of psychological manipulation and acute victimization that is traditionally less recognized than sexual or physical abuse. She writes, “Emotional abuse robs one of an ability to dream, and to hope and plan that dreams can be realized. Further, and equally important, emotional abuse robs those who endure it of an ability to know how to find other dreams when some are not within one’s grasp, are lost, or, as important, prove to be dreams that will become nightmares” (3).
The cycle of emotional abuse typically follows the following pattern: the abuser will become enmeshed, or completely absorbed, with their partner. They will become afraid to let the partner leave and will be overly protective. They will flower their partner with gifts, love, and praise. The abuser will then become neglectful to their partner and will start to make their partner feel invisible. However, the abuser is afraid of being alone so they will come back to their partner and will shower them with gifts and excessive love or praise. The cycle then repeats.
The following are inventories created by Smullens. They are just an estimate for you to see if you are meeting the qualifications for an abusive relationship. They are not proof of abuse. They are meant for you to be able to be aware of the signs of abusive relationships.
If you are noticing through any of these inventories that you are in an abusive relationship it is important to reach out to a close, trusted family member, friend, or a professional and get help.
The Emotional Abuse Inventory
In order to give a score to this test, clients will give themselves 2 points for every time they answered “frequently,” 1 point for every time they answered “sometimes,” and 0 points for every time they answered “never.” If the client’s end score is over 12 points, the chances that they have experienced emotional abuse during childhood are very strong.
In all of the tests that follow, the protocol is the same although the “breakpoint” score is different.
The Sibling Test
This test should be taken for each individual sibling, if there are multiple. The client might find that similar repetitive problems exist between a friend (or lover) that exist with a sibling or with a parent.
The relationship between siblings represents our first experience among people roughly in our same peer group. Siblings tend to mirror the ways that their parents treat them and each other. If there isn’t enough maturity and respect in a family, children may be forced to compete with one another, or act out against each other, in ways that exceed the typical envy, jealously, and rivalry that exists normally between siblings.
“Children who are surrounded by constant sources of conflict or by family members who demean them, who play favor- ites or who cause friction in their lives in other ways, are by defini- tion emotionally abused and regularly develop damaged relation- ships with their brothers and sisters. Their “unfinished emotional business” is regularly acted out in all areas of their lives, with ev- eryone they meet who may feel important to their well being or whom they fear may threaten it. Their “judgment lens,” their abil- ity to see clearly and assess potential positive and negative rela- tionships, is severely skewed. Of course this observation is true of all damaged relationships in formative years, not only those with siblings.”
In order to give a score to this test, clients will give themselves 2 points for every time they answered “frequently,” 1 point for every time they answered “sometimes,” and 0 points for every time they answered “never.” If the client’s end score is over 6 points, the chances that they have experienced emotional abuse during childhood are very strong.
The Friendship Test
It is best to take this test in regards to a specific friendship that may include possible emotional abuse. Friends who perpetrate a pattern of emotional abuse such as being unreliable, possessive, controlling or even abusive were likely treated this way by their parents or caretakers. This leads to these friends repeating the only pattern of behavior they know with others who are significant in their lives.
In order to give a score to this test, clients will give themselves 2 points for every time they answered “frequently,” 1 point for every time they answered “sometimes,” and 0 points for every time they answered “never.” If the client’s end score is over 5 points, the chances that they have experienced emotional abuse during childhood are very strong.
The Love Relationships Test
Love relationships are typically where emotional abuse is expressed most profoundly.
In order to give a score to this test, clients will give themselves 2 points for every time they answered “frequently,” 1 point for every time they answered “sometimes,” and 0 points for every time they answered “never.” If the client’s end score is over 7 points, the chances that they have experienced emotional abuse during childhood are very strong.
Smullens S. The codification and treatment of emotional abuse in structured group therapy. Int J Group Psychother. 2010;60(1):111-130. doi:10.1521/ijgp.2010.60.1.111